Holly Hughes is here to stop you from reaching perfection. You'll thank her later. For now, let's talk about being Real, Not Perfect with the author and intuitive who wrote the book on it.
You're stuck in your feelings and you don't know what to do with them.
If you're looking for permission to be angry, sad, happy, or overwhelmed, you've got it! Let's talk about being Real, Not Perfect: How to Become Your Happy, Authentic Self with author and intuitive, Holly Hughes!
What you'll learn:
Connect with Holly: https://hollyhughesintuitive.com/ // IG: @ holly_hughes _intuitive
Connect with Julia: www.divinerealignment.com // www.facebook.com/divinerealignment377 // IG: @divine.realignment // CH: @divinerealignmt
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS TO HEAL THEM
Julia: [00:00:00] Hello everyone. Welcome to Becoming Divine. My name is Julia Wesley. I'm a professional, medium, and a channel for my guides. And today I have Holly Hughes with us. She is an intuitive and an author, and she's going to speak with us about naming the thing to heal it, being your own person, being real and not perfect, which is her upcoming book.
[00:00:17] So, hi Holly!
Holly: [00:00:19] Hi, thanks so much for having me today. I'm really excited to talk to you. So excited.
Julia: [00:00:24] I am really excited too. I've been excited since our pre-little interview thing where you told me that I was holding on to an emotion that I didn't think I was. It's been great because I've been working on it and naming it.
[00:00:38] And it took me a little bit. I did all the exercises you told me to. Today I had a dream where I related to the situation differently. And I was interested to, first of all, hear your insight on what you mean by naming something to heal it. And then if we could go into that a little bit.
Holly: [00:00:52] Yeah, absolutely. So, a lot of people come to me when they get stuck. They know something's not right. What they've tried in the past, isn't working. And they just like, look at me with this look. And when I see them, I immediately get all these sensations in my body. I started hearing their guides. I tap into their highest self.
[00:01:09] And I'll just start relaying what I'm channeling. And the funny thing about that is sometimes I don't really remember a bunch of what I say. I'm a hundred percent sincere and in the moment, so I'm not clinging to anything because the message is for the person in front of me. Right? I almost feel like if I know too much, you know, that that'd be like, too much for any one person to handle, but they come and they're like, I don't know what this is, but this is what's happening to me.
[00:01:34] And I can feel a pain in the neck, shoulder, wherever. And, with you, it was resentment. I could just see it. And you might not even be aware of it. The person in front of me might be saying, that they haven't been getting along with their friend for a while, but really it's because their mother upset them and their friend is mirroring that.
[00:01:53] And it's really an old pain. From childhood and unnamed unclaimed unhealed pain. And it doesn't even have to be a huge trauma. It could be the day that, I really wanted to be tucked into bed and my brother and sister were really sick and they left me alone and I was sad that day, but no one saw me.
[00:02:13]And then that not being seen it like takes root and then it just starts to grow and fester. And then, the person puts themselves in a similar situation or is very sensitive to that when people might not mean to slight them. And the minute we name it, 'Hey, that was the time, you know, when you were nine and you just needed to be seen.'
[00:02:34] So during a guided meditation in a session, I'll say, well, let's go back to that little girl now and let's send her love and let's sit in the room with her. So she's not alone. And then usually a person like has a cathartic moment or two, like during that, and then we just move on and then it's like, this thing they've been holding onto that they didn't know it was just gone.
[00:02:53] And you're like, what? And they look at me and I'm like, I know! And they're like, what? I'm like, that's the beauty of like, what I think my gift is. I like letting that stuff go.
Julia: [00:03:04] Yeah. And I liked that example because that example was this person just needed to be seen and recognized. And that's exactly what the situation and emotion needed and then let it move. I love that.
[00:03:16] So the thing that you were working or telling me about, the resentment, I have been having dreams like this past week or so, and they've all been... like at one point in time, I was trying to stop a bomb from exploding. Like I was just pressing pause on it.
[00:03:31] Oh, it was, it was dramatic and, and like ridiculous. And I've been waking up like super anxious and worried, and I've been dealing with the energy. But last night I had a dream where I was just interacting with this person. And I was saying everything that I was afraid to say, because I was like, actually, this is healing and helpful for me to say this.
[00:03:51]I don't know, I woke up and I felt just relieved, like I had taken something off my shoulders.
Holly: [00:03:56] Yes, that's awesome. I would also write it on a rock and throw it. If you have woods near you.
Julia: [00:04:03] That's a good idea.
Holly: [00:04:05] Like, you know, I'm really because it's still nature. You're not polluting anything, but like you write it in chalk.
[00:04:11]Or you can, if you want to Sharpie it, but I like the whole something that's not permanent that you're literally releasing it. And it goes back with nature and the earth and grounding healing can like take it away. Cause there's two to three words attached to that feeling. That's the nicest way to say it.
[00:04:27] I'm trying not to reveal too much personal stuff. And I would just put it either on one rock or three and just hurl them. Into the woods. Yeah. Like don't hit any like Bambi's or anything, but like, you know, just throw it and I, and it's also that you see the manifestation of letting go. So I'll give a lot of exercises for people.
[00:04:46]I like to caveat this, please do it in a safe environment. I'm not telling you to set a house on fire, but I'm a really big believer of writing things on white pieces of paper, with love and light, really just about healing, not, not sending negativity to the person that you have the wound with, which is really hard to do.
[00:05:02] And I'm not always good at that. So I also like to own that, like that's part of the work-- and then you set that on fire. And then it's up in smoke and gone in it. And then I usually take the ashes when they're cooled and grind them into the earth. That always finds super cathartic for me.
Julia: [00:05:19] Do you find that claiming your own emotions is about expressing them and not necessarily only just naming them?
Holly: [00:05:25] I, yeah. And expressing them can mean lots of things. I think one of my personal favorite stories, cause I always give a personal story is, in my family, I felt like I was the bridge.
[00:05:35] I was the person to smooth everything out between my parents. That was my job. I understood what everyone was saying. Therefore, it was my job obviously to make it all better. And, my dad was, he owned anger, right? Like, so he was angry a lot, often, all the time growing up. And so, that was something I should never feel.
[00:05:55] Right? I should never be angry. That wasn't my thing. And then when I was about 30, I was, I think looking back on it, it was probably a panic attack, but I didn't know. And I went to therapy, thank God for therapy, and I was in a panic. I was like, I was like, what. Is. This? She like made me use words and I was like, I don't know how to describe it's shaking my body.
[00:06:19] It's overwhelming me. What is this? And she just really quietly said, 'Holly, you're angry.' And I looked at it or like, she was crazy. I was like, this is anger? She's like, 'yes, you're angry'. I can't feel anger. No, that's the problem is that you haven't felt it for 30 years and now you're pissed. So my anger at first appeared as a shedding.
[00:06:47] So I sobbed for days I went to a public place. Cause that's what I like to do. I went by the ocean because I was near one at the time and I just ugly cried as tourists walked by me. Ugly cried at the beach, and then I was relieved. And then I realized it was okay to say when I was mad. Right? Now, how I say it might not work for everybody, but like in my marriage, even we're super direct.
[00:07:14] Like my mom can't stand that she's very, she's sweet. She's passive-aggressive. When she expresses her dislike, you know, she'll just seethe at you, and my attitude is like, 'you know what? I don't like when you do this'. And that took forever to do also because I felt so guilty for being angry. I felt so guilty for not accepting what was happening like, so I had to unwrap the 'Pleaser'.
[00:07:43] I had to let her go. I had to let go of being perfect. There's no such thing. I actually personally love the flaws in a person that was, makes them interesting. And I had to realize what anger was and it, it wasn't the devil. It wasn't, it wasn't anything so evil. It's just a feeling. And when you say it, it doesn't own you and then must get mad like a man now.
[00:08:06] So I'm pissed off. I'll say something. I might storm around the house. I'm--again, I'm not perfect storm around. Look at my husband vent and then I'm like, Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm much better now. And then it doesn't become disease in your body or anything like that. So, I'm all for that.
Julia: [00:08:22] I'm wondering if it has less to do with the actual, like 'real' situation that happened, or if it was like your interpretation of it that we're healing?
[00:08:32] Do you find that when you're with a client, does it necessarily matter if we heal it by being like, 'well, that wasn't the truth. That wasn't what actually happened,' rather than let's just address the emotion. Right?
Holly: [00:08:43] Oh yeah. I never say it's not the truth because it's really real for the person in front of me. It's really real, whatever that hurt is. Because, for anyone who's listening and is a mother, right?
[00:08:53] You know, some days you just don't have enough bandwidth to take care of so much. So as an adult, you might be like, well, that kid was sick. Maybe puking, had a fever, or whatever-- you might have been sick. As a parent, maybe your mother was sick, and you were just like, go to bed.
[00:09:07] I think every parent has said that to their kid. 'Just go to bed. Please go to bed.' Right? Yeah. So, but it doesn't matter because in that moment, the truth is for the kid is that 'I'm less than. I'm not worthy of your attention. I might not be important'. Like, you know, it can go a million different ways and that's just the emotional truth. So I think really validating that, like being able to name 'you hurt me'.
[00:09:32]You don't have to say it to the other person, it's really an internal journey, right? Like, so 'that hurt. This is how I felt. Do I have blame, shame or guilt about having that feeling? 'Unwind that some, and then feel free. And then you just kind of let it go. It just, it just dissipates. It becomes like sugar in your coffee.
Julia: [00:09:53] Oh, I love that. It sweetens it too. I'm wondering, if, anytime in your work, do you sometimes recommend people talk to the person they're angry at, or is that not even necessary?
Holly: [00:10:04] It's not always necessary, but I, because you cannot control what the other person--so depending on where someone is in a healing journey, I have to gauge what they can handle or not emotionally by like feeling them out in front of me.
[00:10:18] So sometimes it's worth a conversation with the person, but if the other person is abusive in any way or a narcissist on anything or whatever, or are not able to meet you where you are. Then it doesn't matter. So sometimes like I've had this experience too, where I just tell someone how I feel. I don't expect anything in return.
[00:10:42] If you are expecting a validation or something in return and you don't get it, it'll just spin you out again. And that's really not helpful. So it's not always necessary. It's awesome if it can happen. One of my favorite sayings with people is sometimes, you know, a person is a rock and a rock cannot love.
[00:11:01]A person cannot meet you where you need to be loved, but instead of beating them up for that or beating yourself up for that, accept it and then turn your head and find the person who can.
Julia: [00:11:13] Oh yeah. That's a really good one. I think a lot of my issue has actually been that issue with my resentment and whatnot.
[00:11:22] And so it really makes a lot of sense to me. And in terms of reclaiming your power from someone and not needing someone else to give you that thing that you think you need and just make sure you get it yourself.
Holly: [00:11:34] Yeah, and it doesn't mean that we don't need a good hug, right?
[00:11:38] And I'm not saying you have to be an island alone, but I am a person who believes that at a smaller group of awesome people is much better than a large group of less awesome people in your life. And it really is about, I think, finding people, friends, and love relationships, whatever that can meet you.
[00:12:00]And it's really tricky because part of the healing is being able to articulate what you want and then ask for it. A lot of my clients feel that if they tell their partner, 'this is what I need'. That it diminishes the receiving.
Julia: [00:12:17] Oh, really?
Holly: [00:12:20] Yeah. So think about that. So let's just say, well it's my birthday tomorrow.
[00:12:24] So, I'd like a Dunkin Heinz yellow cake. I just love whatever Betty Crocker, whichever it is-- but I want me a home-baked yellow cake, with chocolate icing. Not anything else. There's just something about that, that makes me so happy. So I ask for it and then, you know what, I'm happy. Like, that my 12 year old can now make that for me, it makes it even more special.
[00:12:51] If I need a hug and my husband's been super busy, I literally walk up to him and I say, 'I need love and affection right now'. And, he'll almost, almost always give me-- unless, like, you know, he's spinning out, and then I don't want it from him, but you can ask! But in my starter marriage, I craved touch cause he just ignored me.
[00:13:11] So, relationships after that, I was needy. I needed someone to hold, touch. But now, like, I don't want you to touch me when I sleep. Because I am secure in the relationship and in myself. Of course I'd like to be touched, but not while I'm asleep. So it's kind of like that.
Julia: [00:13:26] The idea that people don't like to ask? I love to ask for what I want. So that's kind of, if it was kind of like 'what?', to me.
Holly: [00:13:37] That's super empowering though! So many people don't. Like, I have clients who like, they, you know, let's just say Christmas, it's an easy holiday. Most people make a list or this is the stuff I like, or this is what I like, or there's like traditional gifts.
[00:13:52]And, see you appreciate when you get it. Does it make it less? It's not a surprise. Is that okay? Maybe that's the thing that needs to be healed. Why do you need to be surprised? Or, and if you do, that you can articulate. 'I need Christmas gifts to be a surprise. I don't really want to tell you because it makes me feel like you don't know me or what makes me happy.'
Julia: [00:14:15] Oh, that's the issue.
Holly: [00:14:18] Yeah, you don't, you don't know me. You don't see me. You don't value to me. It gets all jigger-jaggered in that.
Julia: [00:14:24] That's an interesting dichotomy between you knowing yourself and what you need, and as if you need other people to validate what you want and you need. Rather than you just doing it yourself.
Holly: [00:14:34] Yeah, that there's a hole there somewhere right there. There's a hole.
Julia: [00:14:39] Yeah, exactly. That's funny. I actually think that when you ask for what you want, and then someone goes out of their way to make sure that you get it. I actually find that to be a really sort of beautiful expression.
Holly: [00:14:49] Okay. You should just do a whole podcast on that because I think a lot of people need to hear that.
[00:14:55] I honestly do, because my experience is that it's the opposite, and they just get really resentful.
Julia: [00:15:03] No, I actually think a lot of my problems in my life have been the impression that I wasn't allowed to ask for what I want to try and keep the peace, you know? So anytime I have the opportunity to be like, this is X, Y, and Z, exactly what I want it down to the third decimal, then I'm going to tell it to you.
Holly: [00:15:23] That is a perfect example of like how I found my anger. Right? So now when I'm angry, I'm just angry. It doesn't last it like it's done. Right? It also takes a really, a lot to make me angry, by the way, it really takes forever.
[00:15:35] Cause I'm pretty mellow. The one thing that's just a non-negotiable is lying. Like you lie to me, I'm done. But for you, that resentment thing that we were talking about? That was your wound, and you and the [dot dot dot] on your rocks could be 'tape over my mouth'.
Julia: [00:15:51] Oh.
Holly: [00:15:52] See what I'm saying?
Julia: [00:15:53] Yeah.
Holly: [00:15:55] See, oh can you feel that? Like, I could feel that looking at you, you're like, 'Oh, oh right. I couldn't use my words.' And now look at you using your words to help other people and express and even channel other things. So you were denied a fundamentally, a part of who you were.
Julia: [00:16:12] Oh. Oh, damn, Holly.
Holly: [00:16:15] So like that's what a sessions, like, that's what I do. Right. So we'll just gently get there and then you can go deeper and deeper.
Julia: [00:16:23] Yeah. Speaking, at all, is a large part of what I do and expressing myself. And do you find that when you work with someone and they have a wound like that, it's a wound because it has something to do with who they are as a person? Like,they're not being allowed to be true to who they are, express a part of themselves?
Holly: [00:16:42] Exactly what I wrote my book. Because it's Real, Not Perfect. And the first few chapters are about how do you define yourself? Are you who your family says you need to be?
[00:16:54] Are you who do you think society needs? And who is the you hiding underneath? And then how do we set that person free? How can you even define yourself? Do you even know what you like? And then my favorite thing is my Holly's Healing Tips. And then I give homework. And so there's like a workbook in there as well to ask yourself questions that maybe you've been afraid to, or haven't thought to, or hadn't had permission to explore.
[00:17:23] And then once you define yourself, how do you protect this identity so that people don't hurt you? You create boundaries, you learn to say no, and then you learn what self care is for the new version of you. And then you get to go live your life.
Julia: [00:17:40] Self-care for the new version of you.
Holly: [00:17:43] Yes.
Julia: [00:17:44] That's different. I think a lot of the times people are just so used to helping the old them limp along through self-care, but I don't think we spend a lot of time figuring out how can we nurture this new person.
Holly: [00:17:57] Yeah, I think a huge part of self-care for adults that adults don't get to explore, are new experiences. Or old hobbies that they gave up because they grew up.
[00:18:11] So every endeavor we do as an adult, doesn't need to be an achievement. It could be for the darn fun of it. Maybe you want to play piano again and you, you don't play that great. But there's something about the learning or the sound that makes you happy. Do it! You don't have to go to a competition to do it.
[00:18:30] I am a dancer. I've always danced. I still dance. I am not as good as I was because a bajillion injuries from dancing my whole life, and age. Right? Like I'm not as flexible, whatever, but you know what? I am so happy the whole entire time. I have a stupid grin on my face because, no phones, I'm not in charge, I'm not responsible, I'm just there. I'm just there.
[00:18:54] I, even a couple of years ago, I met a choreographer. I met her on a plane and then I come to find out she was one of Beyoncé's choreographers. She had a dance class nearby. And I went and I was as old, if not older than the parents waiting for the children in this class.
[00:19:12] There's like a thing to picking up new moves and I had, I never really learned to dance that way and I did it twice. I know it was so hard for me and I still loved it. It's just the joy. I tried zip lining on a family thing. It's just the new, because we get into laundry, homework, school, work, work, cleaning the house... like, where's the joy?
Julia: [00:19:34] I used to horseback ride and then I gave it up as I went into college and yada, yada, and then I've been thinking about it lately and I'm like, man, I really, really miss it. I should really get back to it. Just because it's fun. Just because it's something I like.
Holly: [00:19:46] Yep. Were you English or Western?
Julia: [00:19:48] English. Dressage.
Holly: [00:19:50] Ooh, super fancy.
Julia: [00:19:54] Jumping too, yeah. Oh, I loved it. I missed it so much. I could do a whole podcast on horses.
Holly: [00:20:00] Oh my God. You should, you should know my friend, Samantha Dunn. She's a memoirist and author and she is all about that too. So she is part of a book she wrote.
[00:20:09]So I'm just saying, I think you need to like, go get yourself, you know, some, the $30 version of boots, you don't have to get the most expensive ones if you don't. Right? And just literally get back up on the horse.
Julia: [00:20:21] Yes, I will. I should be doing that.
Holly: [00:20:24] I'm going to email you and just nag you I'll be like, are you on the horse yet? Are you on the horse yet?
Julia: [00:20:30] No, you're right. And that's, that's a good thing to do. And to actually, if you're ever going to talk about nagging someone, that's, that's the best way to do it.
[00:20:38] So in the interest of Real, Not Perfect, and defining yourself, that's actually a lot of my work as well, trying to figure out who we are, what are we here to do?
[00:20:48] I spent a lot of time being like, I don't even know what I like, you know? Because I spent so much time trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do. And it was so trauma-based as well. Like I had built a whole identity over helping to con people into not thinking that I was dealing with a trauma and that I was perfectly fine.
[00:21:06] And so after I was done pretending, it was like, who the hell am I? And, for me, it was realizing that it was all the things that I had brushed aside and ignored because I thought it didn't fit the mould. And so I knew exactly what it was, but it was giving it credence and validation and power.
[00:21:26] And then as I did that, I was like, well, I guess I can try and figure out who's the person who likes this? To me, I call that tapping into your soul blueprint. And when I give someone a reading, that's what I'm doing is I'm helping shift people back into alignment with their blueprint.
[00:21:40] Cause a lot of the times we're so far off from who we really are. To me that has a lot to do with being in the body. I think when you build from the bottom up, rather than from the top down, you get the most solid foundation and that's how you figure out who you are.
[00:21:55] And I think that I'm talking and talking, but when we--
Holly: [00:21:58] Because I love it, cause we do similar things and we do a different. And this is what I love about healers. I think there are so many and if you are struggling with an ache, a pain or, especially during, COVID not remembering who you were or dealing with anxiety and stuff.
[00:22:15] There's many ways to find help. And it's so important to get it. Like if you told me to ground five years ago, I'd be like, why, why would I-- why? I am really super up like zinging through my head. And it took this insanely powerful Lightworker to be like, 'I'm going to give you a different way to think about it'.
[00:22:33] And then I was like, 'Oh, now I get it'. So it's funny, I was an interesting dichotomy. I have always been who I am. Like I dress the way I like, and I had the personality, but I think what people didn't know, especially when I was younger was how easily I was hurt because I was the happy person because my job was to make everyone else happy.
[00:22:55] So for me, I just didn't deal with any of those harder emotions, loss, grief. I had a lot of shame and guilt, just for what happened to me and in my life. And I was like, 'well, I'll just deal with it. I don't want to burden anyone with my pain'. What happened for me was I couldn't be happy anymore because the pain had taken over my senses.
[00:23:14] Right? I just got overwhelmed. And even though I've always had intuitive gifts, I didn't rely on them. Like the way I am like as a business now. It was like a party trick, I would just know things, or I'd hear someone's head and I could then take care of what needed to be taken care of, but not take care of myself.
[00:23:31] So I was just last on the list.
Julia: [00:23:33] It's funny that you mention intuitive gifts I'm of the mind that everyone has intuitive abilities and faculties. That's how we're alive. But I did go through a process of tampering them because I realized that it was something that freaked other people out that I knew them, or yada yada.
[00:23:49] And I think a lot of people do that. And I think as we get into adulthood, we figure out that that's what we were doing.
Holly: [00:23:56] Yeah. I even still get the reaction that, I met people a few months ago and you know, it was the big one: so what do you do? Right. You know, and then you're like, 'well, I'm an author and intuitive healer.'
[00:24:06] A what?
[00:24:07]You know, you get the looks or whatever. In the meantime I'm reading them. I'm like, 'don't worry. We're not going to be friends anyway. It's all good, I'll just keep moving. I'll just keep moving', yeah. Yeah. That's a hard thing to, to say. I think like owning what we do.
[00:24:23] So when you go to school, you can be a banker or a chemist or, oh yeah, an intuitive. You can like talk to the supernatural that other people can't see. And then do you ever find that people really want to define, what your gifts are by the tiniest, narrowest scope?
Julia: [00:24:40] Oh my gosh. Yes.
Holly: [00:24:41] Oh, you're only this I'm like, 'mmm, nope'.
Julia: [00:24:45] Yeah. If you're not Theresa Caputo, love her, but if you're not her, you're not a medium.
[00:24:52] And you know, and to a certain degree you gotta be like, well, that's all, you know, so how could, you know any different? But at the same time, it is like, frustrating to be out there and be like, 'well, I tap into people's Soul Blueprints and people are like, 'do you, that's nice'.
Holly: [00:25:07] I think you should like, you know, put that on a t-shirt.
[00:25:10] Soul Blueprint, I just like it. You should definitely put it on a mug and have merchandise.
Julia: [00:25:15] Well, that is not the first time I've heard I should get merch, and I totally will. But I think that that's really funny and back to the intuitive gifts, I actually think that you intuitively know who you are.
[00:25:25]And I think it's when you stop focusing on what you intuitively know, what you can't explain that you know, then we veer off of who we are, what we like. And, and we go back to, what are we supposed to like? Like what does society and everything tell us that we should like, do you see that reflected in your work?
Holly: [00:25:40] No, but you saying that made me think of this story. So when I was little, I was insanely afraid of the dark. Cause you know, I saw things and it was scary. And I had, a friend who talked to me every night as I went to bed. I had a spirit who came to me and talked to me. He had a male voice to me.
[00:25:57]He doesn't have a name. I know how to pronounce. I just, like, I knew how to call him. And, as I got older, he started fading. And around 12, he was like, 'I have to go now'. And I was like, 'well, what do you mean you're going?' And he's like, 'well, people won't understand'. And then one night he didn't come when I called.
[00:26:15] So I think children, it's like also like why people love those videos of children dancing or playing, or those twins or the triplets jibber jabbering at each other, because there's no limit on what they can do. We have no expectation or limiting belief.
[00:26:32] So we are in awe of their understanding. And I think people who are intuitives and like healers, for the most part, we are tapped into this understanding that most people are judging. Or they feel isn't right, or religious beliefs are against it, or, you know, a million other things. I do think it's there for them, but I don't know that everyone has the gift.
Julia: [00:26:54] Do you think so?
Holly: [00:26:54] I don't know if everyone does. I don't. I think everyone starts with it, I think they can, but it would take work.
Julia: [00:27:00] I think you're right on that actually. And when I tap into people's blueprints, a lot of the times doing this work is part of their lens.
[00:27:06] You know, what they're here to experience. And a lot of the times people are just here for the physical experience, and they're like, 'that's nice that I don't care, you know?' And so I'm like, that's part of your path, and I'm here to honor it. It's actually something I was talking to my mom about.
[00:27:20] She is someone who is not into the woo, you know, like it freaked her out a little bit and it took her some time to sort of ease her way into it. And yesterday she had an experience and she called me and she's like, 'what the hell was that?' And I'm like, I don't know, figure it out. And, but she's one of those people who, where I'm like, you don't have to have this experience, but because you're related to me, you probably will.
[00:27:43]I actually tell people that when they're like, I don't know how to make people accept who I am or what I do. And I'm like, well, they don't necessarily have to.
[00:27:52] Holly: [00:27:52] Yeah. That's what I say. Right? So like that's what we were saying before. Like you you can't want it, a reaction from someone or acceptance.
[00:28:00]They have their own shtick and a path, and they might not be able to accept it. They just might, not. Everyone in my family has gifts. Right. My dad does. My mom does. All the women on my mom's side of the family do. It's just minor. Right? Like about five years ago, I really honed them.
[00:28:17] And I used to think, you know, when I'm older-- even older than I am right now--I'll start a practice then. And then what happened was, you know, the universe cracked up, like fell down, laughing. And within six months I opened it, and I just, I went for it. Which is kind of my personality anyway. It was super scary to come out that way because a lot of people used to hang out around me, like just hoping to get some free downloads.
[00:28:41]So, 'Oh, Hey Holly *rub, rub, rub*. I know you're leaving Zumba class right now, but you know, this is what's been going on with me'. And I was like, yeah, you got to pay for that now. Like, no more freebies.
[00:28:53] So I love when people email me and ask a question. I understand if they're nervous and this is something new to them.
[00:28:59]But I also get people like this who just try to get a free reading instead of a feeling for me. Well, last weekend a person was calling and they're like, so this, and I'm like, 'yes, you have pain here, here, and here. And this is why your anxiety is going off'.
[00:29:13] They're like, 'yes, that's it'. They're like, 'well, can you tell me how to help that?' And I was like, 'yeah, I can't give it away for free. So if you want like to pay for a session, I'm happy to help. But now that you know that I've tuned into it, it's your choice. If you can handle it or not'. And he's like, 'Oh, you figured that one out'.
Julia: [00:29:29] I thought I would run into a whole bunch of people who were ready to burn me at the stake, but that hasn't happened yet. Most everyone's like, 'so, uh, what's going on over there'?
[00:29:40]I think for a lot of people, and I mentioned this because I do think that for a lot of people's paths, normally if you're listening to this type of content, you're probably on an intuitive path. You're probably someone who's interested in this. And I think that a lot of the work towards being open into being aware of it, it's just giving yourself the love and the grace to do it, to ask those questions and to go after some thought that isn't necessarily traditional or mainstream, and giving yourself the footing to do it.
Holly: [00:30:08] Yeah. Actually, in my book, I have a guided meditation at the end of each chapter. Just to help the person connect to whatever this new version is of them, what a boundary is, how it feels to ground. Right? Cause it was super hard for me. There's one meditation that is meant to help you see your highest self.
[00:30:25] To see a reflection of that unconditional, divine love coming back at you. Because that's a really great place to start. If you don't want to connect to other things, you can just connect to that soul level. All So your words too, right? That soul part of you, which is infinite, right?
[00:30:43] I always like to say like, you know, when I die I'm so coming back to mess with everyone, I know! When I was younger, I would have dreams that I died-- this is awful. I would, I'd have dreams that I die. I have a very clear memory of this one. My family was at my grave, my parents, and with sticks, like the person who was there to help me cross over was like, 'it's time to go'.
[00:31:01] And I was like, 'I'm not ready. I got gotta, what are you talking about'? I was like, 'I have to say goodbye'. They're like, 'it's already goodbye'. So I went and somehow managed to get sticks to react to my touch, and wrote 'I'm okay'. And then my family went 'okay!', and they walked away. I was so upset! I woke up and I was like, 'Oh'.
Julia: [00:31:23] One time I had a dream where I was probably helping a soul pass on and I was going with them. But there was a certain point where I was yanked back on the string, that you'd have from your heart to your soul? And I was like, 'darn it'!
Holly: [00:31:37] What's over there?!
Julia: [00:31:38] Yeah, I know it was a bright, beautiful light, but I guess they call it the small death for a reason.
[00:31:44] Can you tell me a little bit more about your book? Because you keep telling me about this and this seems like a step-by-step guy and it sounds really cool and really gorgeous, and I want it.
Holly: [00:31:52] Thank you! I get so excited. Well it's two years of my life on paper. I had the idea originally like, how can I help more people who maybe can't afford a whole session?
[00:32:02] Or how can I explain what I do in a way, that maybe if you haven't experienced woo-woo. And I have an agent cause I, I write other things too. And then she asked me to write it for teenagers. I was like, awesome. I started writing and then I realized I was so afraid of what parents might say.
[00:32:18] I was like, 'Oh, this is, this is really hard'. After a year of working with her, she was like, 'I don't know how to sell this'. So I was like, 'Oh my God, you just made me work for a year doing that'. But anyway, I guess I'll go back to my original idea, which was written everywhere in a whole bunch of journals.
[00:32:32] And so , I got a little too memoir because I like to share personal stories so people know that even people who could connect to good things, life happens to them. It's not always easy.
[00:32:43] What is the biggest thing that I see people in my office for? It's really loss of self.
[00:32:49] And who am I and who do I want to be? Are you lost in a marriage? Are you lost in a relationship or you're lost in your family, or you're lost in motherhood? And the pressure of trying to be a specific kind of mother? A Pinterest mother, an Instagram mother, a working mother, a stay-at-home mother. There's so many judgments on everything.
[00:33:08] So how to strip that away. And then honestly, boost a person, so they feel better. So it is a hundred percent a step-by-step process. I start with definitions. I explain what my gifts are. So if you're a super beginner and you don't even know what a clairvoyant is, I give you a definition. If you need a little more than that, I'm going to say you probably need to do a little research before you read the book.
[00:33:30]So it is step-by-step, who are you? Who do you want to be? How do we help get you there?
[00:33:36] How do I support you in that? How do we build boundaries and again, self care. So then you can go be happy because happiness is an option.
Julia: [00:33:46] I'm really, really drawn to 'the new you' and how you take care of it. I love that aspect of it because I think that a lot of the times we know who this new person is that we want to be, but we have a more difficult time embodying them because we're so used to that other energy and that other form.
[00:34:04] So we spend a lot of time trying to actualize it and trying to conceptualize it to the point where we forget to step into that person in that energy.
Holly: [00:34:13] Yeah. And are you really becoming the person you want or someone else?
Julia: [00:34:17] Yes. What is your idea of self-care? Is it taking a bubble bath and eating some chocolate or is it different?
Holly: [00:34:23] I'm a little rebellious in general, sort of. So I think for some, it can be that. I don't want to belittle what brings someone joy. But what I'm talking about is that's a good step, close the bathroom door. Many mothers out there know, it's really hard to close that bathroom door and get any privacy. So if you can take a bubble bath, that is awesome.
[00:34:46] But it's about feeding your soul. It's about something that brings you joy. So again, I'm going to nag you about that horseback riding.
[00:34:55] I'm thinking I'm going to literally put it in my calendar and be like text Julia, tell her to get on that horse. It would be like that. And if let's just say, because of COVID money is an issue for a lot of people, maybe you just go to a stable. Wouldn't it be amazing to just go and see a few horses? See that? That change on your face and how your heart just went [*explosion noise*] is what I'm talking about.
[00:35:17]Cause we as adults we'll put it off till later. So being out in nature and quiet, no phone again, right? What I do is like, I reach out from my heart and my center, and I connect to nature that way. You might find animals following you, because that happens to me, but you're just literally connected to something else.
[00:35:36] And you're in the moment. It's like the ultimate meditation.
[00:35:41] So that feeds my soul, dance feeds my soul. For other people, it could be cooking. Right? You-- not me-- someone might really love going in the kitchen and putting all those ingredients together. That is love for so many people.
[00:35:56] That is what I mean by self-care. And it might take some exploring. You might not know like if you were a kid and you love soccer, go get a soccer ball again, and do those taps with your feet on top, or kick it between your feet. That might make you really happy. It might make you laugh.
[00:36:13] You might hate it.
[00:36:14]It's the exploration. When I look at a person, I usually can tell them what. And it's almost always an artistic expression. Music drawing, painting sculpture, collage, glasswork. There's so many, so many things.
[00:36:32]And be okay with going outside of the lines.
Julia: [00:36:36] I get that. Horseback riding was a weird one. That was like a real curve ball. I've been throwing my family curve balls for years. 'I'm going to ride horses. I'm going to eat vegan. I'm going to be a medium.'
Holly: [00:36:45] Are you still a vegan?
Julia: [00:36:47] I am. Yeah.
Holly: [00:36:48] Oh, that's awesome.
Julia: [00:36:50] It hasn't been hard because even when I was a kid, I knew I'm like, 'I'm not touching meat. That's disgusting'. I watch my family cook it and then I'd eat it. But I'm like, when I grow up, I'm not touching that. That's disgusting.
Holly: [00:37:03] But that's knowing yourself and that's awesome.
[00:37:06]I have made myself smaller thinking when I've gotten hired to speak at things, when I first came out doing this, that I really needed to be a specific way and I never want to disappoint. I'm going to give you everything. I worked super hard and they wanted me to memorize an hour of --an hour lecture.
[00:37:25] But I was like, I'm going to do it. I mean, I can just say yes, cause that's what I say. I'm going to say, yes, I'm going to do it. And I recorded myself, and I played it, and I did everything I could possibly do. And then we went to rehearse and as you can see, I talk a bit with my hands and I'm moved my face.
[00:37:39]And she kept telling me 'stop. You're moving too much. Don't be Holly. Don't do this. Don't do that'. And it made me freak out. It made me not secure. I thought I had to be a version of what an intuitive healer in front of people had to be. And I ended up, they thought I had walking pneumonia.
[00:37:56] I was so sick. And I still gave the speech. I gave everything. The funniest thing is I woke up that morning, put on the outfit that I bought special. And I went to leave and the whole side seam under my arm and down split and I wore it anyway. I was like, 'okay, world, what are you doing to me'?
[00:38:13]I was sick when I went up and I did it. And I was in this environment where all like 700 people were at you all day. It was just like a lot of energy.
[00:38:20] And then I went to the urgent care the next day and they took a chest x-ray. Right. So that's lungs, that's breath. I got to say what I wanted to stay, but I felt like I couldn't freely express who I was. I'm not going to be for everyone, but I'm not going to sit there completely with my hands folded and not react to things that are happening.
[00:38:39] The only really beautiful thing was a woman in the audience came up to me and told me I changed her life. So it was all worth it. And the woman in charge who had hired me, then asked to speak to me. And even though she never actually heard my lecture or watched me do it, proceeded to give me lots of notes.
[00:38:55]And then wanting my help for something else, and nothing she said was nice. And I was like, 'okay, okay god, I heard you. So no making myself smaller. It'll resonate with people or it won't. I can't control that part. I was so busy wanting people to know how sincere I was, and that I was speaking from my heart and how much I wanted to help, that I compromised myself.
[00:39:17]So there has to be a balance in being who you are and what you want to share, and still knowing there are limits to what you can and cannot do. And maybe I'll never be, a TEDx speaker, although I kind of really want to, but the idea of being in front of 1200 people? It's too much for me.
[00:39:34] So why don't I just, I dunno, respect that? But it's a challenge. So I like to do that, but like, let's say I ever do it. I'll be like, this is what I know. This is what I want to share. If it resonates with what you guys want to present, awesome.
Julia: [00:39:47] And I, for the record would attend your Ted talk. I think you'd be great at it. But I, I do want to say, that's a great story because interacting with you and your energy and everything that you're telling, I love that you're as you are, and it's so authentic.
[00:40:03]And because it's so authentic, your work seems so much more powerful for it. And I--
Holly: [00:40:09] Now you're making me cry.
Julia: [00:40:10] You're welcome. I think that when you can present yourself authentically in anything that you're doing, your work will be that much more powerful. Even if you're not an intuitive, or an author, or anything like that.
[00:40:24]My cousin's a nurse, and she loves it, and she's authentic in it, and she's excellent at what she does. And it's because she's gone no-holds-barred on what she does and who she is and how she wants to express it. Anytime someone comes to you, it's probably because they recognize that this lady, she gets it.
Holly: [00:40:42] But that is also part of the reason why I wrote the book Real, Not Perfect. How to be your happy, authentic self. I think some people think authenticity is overused.
[00:40:51] Kind of like a lot of people stole the word brave from Brene Brown. Right? 'I'm brave. I'm this and that'. But, be authentic. You make mistakes, you stumble you fall, but you're so much happier in the experience of it. It's so much better to live as you are and who you want to be as opposed to this other version behind a mask or a wall. Because that's just full of grief and resentment, honestly.
[00:41:14] And the other thing is, if you wake up and make a new choice? Like I just cut a bunch of hair off. Which is superficial, but you can make that big of a choice if you want. Right.
[00:41:23] Like you can decide, I don't want to help you with blueprints anymore. Now I'm going to solely do Akashic records, and we're going to align with your 700 year past self. Not that you're going to do that, but I know people who are in their forties who hate their job.
[00:41:40]So, you're not dead. You know, I understand the 'golden parachute', and I would never tell you to switch jobs, that's not what I'm saying, but if you want to do something else, you have the power to do it. Cause you'll be glad.
[00:41:55] You might take three years to get there. And then maybe if you're 40, you're only 43. You're not dead! As a woman in her fifties now, I feel like, you're still you, your body's just a little older, right? So I know when I was younger and I thought like 40 was so old and like, what the hell was 50? But now that you're 50, you're like, yeah, I've got at least 40 more years in me, right? So...?
[00:42:20]I think women need to own our age, right? Look, look, I don't need Botox. You can see all the wrinkles on my forehead.
Julia: [00:42:27] I, I think the, the idea of your 'imperfections' is something that makes life more exciting and more fun anyways.
[00:42:36] Because I tried being perfect. You know, that was my trauma. And I was like, this sucks.
Holly: [00:42:42] There's no such thing. Like for me it was, how do you work? Like I, when I say I work hard, my work ethic is insane. And I have to force myself to not work on the weekends, which is what I tried to tell my clients, which is why I unplug and I don't answer emails.
[00:42:57] I try not to on Sundays at all. This constant anxiety producing thing is awful. And then it might feel weird to put my phone away at eight o'clock at night and then step away. But I feel so much better an hour later without checking whatever the world is handing us right now. Whatever story and drama.
[00:43:16] So I think that is super important. And my perfectionism was about people pleasing and 'I'm going to work harder. I'm going to prove to you I can do it'. I call it 'the F you in something'. If there's an 'F you in something' that you're doing in your life, I'm going to tell you,it needs some healing there.
[00:43:33] Because there shouldn't be, 'I'm not F you I'm a healer. I'll show you I can do it'. No, it's not. I do it because I'm in alignment. I'm driven to do it. Is it always easy? No, no. Life is not meant to be like, one flat line, and that would be boring. That's so boring.
Julia: [00:43:51] I think that in my pursuit of fake perfection, I realized it's all relative, right?
[00:43:55] So am I trying to be the perfect academic? Like what does that even look like? Am I trying to be the perfect horseback rider? But I don't even know what that is.
Holly: [00:44:01] Both wear that really cute jacket. So you can do both, right.
Julia: [00:44:05] That's what I was thinking. I'm like, there's a vest involved. I know there is.
Holly: [00:44:08] Totally, there's a vest. That's so cute.
Julia: [00:44:12] Oh, well.
[00:44:14] Well Holly, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. I really enjoyed this conversation. Can you please tell people how to find you and how to buy your awesome book?
Holly: [00:44:21] Absolutely. My book is available on amazon.com. It's an ebook and a paperback. So it's my name on the book is, Holly Raychelle Hughes. How to--wait, no, Real, Not Perfect: How to be Your Happy, Authentic Self.
Oh my God. I totally forgot my own book. As I like left the planet for a second. I am Holly Hughes Intuitive on Instagram. And that is also my website, hollyhughesintuitive.com. I'll have links for everything. Don't worry. If you can't find it, I will help you find it.
Julia: [00:44:50] Thank you so much, Holly. It's just been a pleasure talking with you.
[00:44:53] We'll see you next time guys. Bye.