Even if you think you aren't, you're in charge.
When we look for a leader, how often do we look to ourselves?
Whenever you feel aimless and lost, consider searching for answers and direction by going inward. Because when you are desperate for a silver bullet or a magic key--and you look outside of yourself, you become susceptible to adopting someone else's vision or dream as your own. This is a recipe for frustration and stagnation.
Kirsten Barfoot wants to spare you the drama of not knowing what you want! Dive in to this episode and we'll cover how to follow your own path, step into your internal leadership role, and fulfill your purpose.
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YOU ARE A LEADER feat. Kirsten Barfoot
Julia: [00:00:00] Hi everyone. Welcome to Becoming Divine. My name is Julia Wesley. I am your host, and today I have transformational leader and speaker Kirsten Barfoot with us.
And thank you so much for being with us.
Kirsten: [00:00:27] Oh, Julia, thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here today.
Julia: [00:00:31] I'm super excited because we're going to be talking about inspiring people to come back to themselves and helping people become the leaders of their own life, which are, I love those topics.
So I, I don't mean to interrupt you, but my very first question is helping people come back to themselves. What does coming back to yourself mean to you?
Kirsten: [00:00:51] You're speaking to somebody who used to always seek outside. Seek outside validation, outside advice, outside people who I always thought knew better than me.
And it was always a source of frustration because one, when you go outside and ask for somebody else to tell you something, and then you want to not take what they say, people are like, why did you ask? And it's yes, why did I ask?
And then, you, internally, we actually do know. But we're just not tuned into that conversation with ourselves. We're not tuned into listening to that divine wisdom within our being. And you can call it intuitive. You can call it God, you can call it inspiration. You can call it a number of different things.
But essentially what it is, is taking the time out of our busy lives, because we've got a lot of stimulus. A lot of attention goes outside. And part of it, it does keep us busy. To stop us from going in. And we like that distraction, I think.
But if we do go on that journey and connect within that, then you can start tuning in. You can start tuning into those whispers. And those whispers come in many different ways. They do sometimes come from external conversations or songs, musical lyrics or something. But there's a connection too, that you can feel within yourself that is a truth.
And and that's when you feel, a lady once called them the truth chills. And I was like, that's amazing way to put it. You can feel it on your body. That is a connection to a truth for yourself. That's what the journey for me is about, is going to that place of depth and finding out why certain situations have occurred and what goals can I take away from it?
Julia: [00:02:49] Yeah, that's really something. The truth chills I hear a lot in my line of work being at Akashic Records reader and using mediumship. Fellow mediums, whenever their guides are trying to like, communicate with them, you'll feel it like tingling on your body. Yeah, that's an excellent sign of intuition and I'm sure my audience would be very familiar with that.
And then you mentioned a little bit earlier. Asking people for advice, or what should I do? And then having people be like, why did you even ask me?
Kirsten: [00:03:19] Sometimes, for me just recently, when I asked somebody we went through a bit of an hour conversation of, this whole rhetoric of is this the right thing?
And in the end, the conclusion for me was no, this was not a go sign right now. But I could have actually not had that conversation. Like I could have saved both our time to know that if I had actually needed to seek somebody's approval of then that was probably a sign that was not a go.
But when I say that, I do understand that we are all different. Some people do actually need to digest and go through the ins and outs of conversations. And this is, this is also getting to know ourselves.
This is understanding how we actually make decisions. Like how you make decisions, and that you're like just checking in with people. And for me that kind of checking is that extra layer of oh, are you really checking in? Or are you actually just really exploring the whole reasons why this is not a go right now?
There's infinite ways of getting to know ourselves.
Julia: [00:04:28] I'm interested and hearing your perspective and your point of view on this. I wonder sometimes if it's not so much that we need time to figure out what it is that we want as it is just taking the leap and trusting ourselves on what it is that we want.
Because I sometimes have been on that ledge where I'm like, am I going over? Am I not? I don't know what I'm doing. And I know what I want, but sometimes I'm just not trusting myself. And so I wonder what you think about that.
Kirsten: [00:04:55] Very good question. And and I'm sure it's going to be different for everybody. For me it is literally a recognition of, this is a go.
And so for me, when it's a go, I literally move into action. I literally, that is how I operate, but I do know that not everyone operates like that. And nor should they operate like that. Because I think one of the things that we get caught in particularly in the world in which we're living is that we're open to social media, we're open to everything.
And there are so many people who like to tell you that this is the way. This is the way this is your golden ticket. This is how you're going to get to where you want to go. And that is a tool. It is a way it is a mechanism in which we can choose, that might be the information that we require.
But it always comes down to how we want to be in the world. And so if something is in complete alignment with who you are and who you want to be in the world, but then there's this uncertainty-- the uncertainty is actually cool. Because the uncertainty is saying, Hey, look.
We want to do this. We feel so excited about it. And yet there's just this little bit of resistance. And that I feel is a really cool sign. That's a cool sign to say, just go for it. Because when you take the leap your in trust. You're in the unknown, you have an opportunity then to see something that you may never, ever have experienced before.
But there's a difference between that uncertainty, and that alarm bell. The alarm bell is the one that's going hey, listen. We just need to stop. Yeah, just stop. And the stop is a really cool sign.
Sometimes that can show up as anger. Sometimes that can show up as frustration. That can show up in so many different ways, but it's an alarm bell. It's a strong, visceral feeling. Just saying, let's just back up here. And it doesn't mean it's not a go, but it just means that in that moment, maybe there isn't enough information there to progress. And so when you can get that clarity, then you make the next decision.
Is this a go? And then you can move from there. Does that provide a different perspective for you?
Julia: [00:07:15] Yes. Yes. Thank you. I like how you said, was it figure out who you want to be in the world? Or make decisions based on who you want to be in the world?
Kirsten: [00:07:24] Yeah, this is the whole deal.
And this is what I see showing up in the world. Is I see people wanting things. They want life. They want all these things, but not many people say who do I want to be? How do I want to operate in the world? How do I want to show up? What's important to me. What inspires me? What am I passionate about?
What brings me joy? What do I love? And then when you are showing up from that place, when you show up in your full, like alive-ness, your full brightness, your full alignment, we get to experience life in a completely different dimension, actually.
Life, when you come from that place of inner wealth, where you expressing who you are as a fully self-contained human being, then life actually works for you.
You no longer have to go out searching. Actually life comes to you. It shows up for you. It puts opportunities in front of you. And so that's when we can come to that place of feeling like, yeah, this is what life's about. This is what I am here for.
This is my purpose is my mission is to just be a completely self-expressed human being. And sometimes people are going to like it. Some people aren't going to like it and it's okay. It's actually all okay.
Julia: [00:08:54] Yeah, the, who do I want to be, question is a big part of my work. So one of the things that I do is I help people come into alignment with their life purpose.
And my guides had to hammer it into my head that your life purpose, it's not a career. Which was a real let down for me. Cause that was the answer I was looking for. And they were like, it's an expression of you. Your purpose is to be yourself. And so I was like that sounds lame. That sounded like a cop out.
I was like telling me to be like a banker or something, tell me to be a NASCAR driver. And I just never got that answer. And so what they would tell me is they would express qualities of who I. I really love to learn. I like to discover things I love to teach. I love to, communicate.
And I was like okay, fine. And that seems like a longer, more roundabout way of trying to get to the answer that I wanted. Who do I want to be in the world. And so in order to answer that question, you have to figure out the being part of it. It, when I'm being me, what is that like? Because that's the only thing that's going to satisfy you.
If you're looking for a career or some sort of external identity to give you satisfaction and fulfillment, you're always going to feel empty. Honest to God, it took months for my guides to drill that into my head because I've resisted that answer so much. But now it's one of my favorite topics to talk about.
And that's why I'm so excited we're talking about it because I'm like, yes, absolutely. This needs to be everywhere because if it held me back for so long, I know that mentality still has so many other people in its grips. Do you find that to be true?
Kirsten: [00:10:28] 100% and I've just completed some training where I've really been able to see how this actually really shows up in the world.
But just in terms of people's lack of dreams. People's lack of vision. And when I was younger, there was always this tangible pull at me and I could never, ever bring it to life. And it was a source of major frustration for me.
And, I had to learn the hard way on a few things, which is fine. This is part of the journey and the whole thing about who do I want to be. For me, I don't see it as a static process. It's not like I asked myself one day, oh, who do you want to be in the world?
It's actually an evolution, like each day or each week or each month each year. Life actually shows you. If we want to feel like life is working for us, we get an opportunity to see how magical somewhat seemingly negative experiences can be, how enlightening, how awakening. These experiences can transform us and really be gifts in our life to deeper parts of ourselves.
And I was thinking this morning, cause I'm writing my book at the moment, I was expressing myself to this person the other day and it wasn't like an unclothing kind of expressing, it was like an unveiling of the soul, like bearing of the soul.
And that's the sort of intimacy that I want to start having conversations like that. That we're not talking on this superficial level anymore. It's who are you? What are your dreams? What are your fears? What keeps you awake at night? What inspires you? What is, what's your passion in life?
Like really have those fiery conversations with people on a really deep soul to soul level that sort of just transcends all the rubbish and those beliefs and deceits that we tell ourselves. The lies that, you know, that we carry around with us. And just being able to be liberated and be okay just with who we are.
Julia: [00:12:36] I like how you said it's an everyday thing, right? Because it's not like it's one big momentous decision where you're like, I'm going to be myself. It's like, you have to continue to choose yourself every day because it's in those little moments.
It's, you know what clothes are most me today? What lunch is most me today? I dunno, how am I feeling? I need to check in with my body. And it's those little moments.
Kirsten: [00:13:01] I think maybe when I first started out, I think that the situations felt really intense. Everything felt so intense. And I'm not saying that I don't have intense moments. I for sure have intense moments. But for me, I think that now, I need to tune in to the subtleties.
It's like the more subtle the information, the more pertinent that it is. Because we need to tune into the subtlety so that we can really get so crystal clear about everything. It's about ourselves. It's about how we interact with the world. It's about who we are attracting into our world.
It's about the experiences we have. It's about, as you were saying, it's about the clothes we wear as the car we drive, that's the house we live in. And I just get really excited about it.
Julia: [00:13:48] Me too. I love this topic. Yeah. And it's important if you're going to become the leader of your own life, it can't be, like the blind leading the blind. You have to know who you are. I have tried to do that. I've tried to define myself before I actually figured out what is it that I want?
And I'm still guilty of that. I'm impatient and I'm stubborn. And so I do that sometimes. And I ended up having to backtrack and be like that's, I guess that's not even what I wanted. That was just one of those lies I told to myself to get to some sort of ridiculous imaginary finish line. And so it's always worth taking the time to ask yourself, what do I want here? Tap into that little voice that you were talking about earlier.
Kirsten: [00:14:29] Yeah. And I don't think that there's ever a wrong path. Like I really don't. I really don't believe that. And an example of I've actually got two really recent examples.
But the one that I wanted to share was at the end of last year, I was going towards a deal. I felt it was the most amazing thing. I was fully enrolled in it. I fully believed in it. I was there. And just a couple of things happened that the door got closed and I was heartbroken.
There was so much of me invested in this, that I was like, God, like, how did I get that so wrong? But what ended up happening was so much clarity from that the next day, I'm just like, okay. Yes. Okay. Hang on a minute. I was enrolled in somebody else's vision.
Because my vision wasn't clear enough. This is how we get caught in other people's vision. I call it the seduction of other people's vision. And they're not wrong. They're not wrong, because they know what they want. And they are going to get it. So why is that wrong? They should have what they want. And so the purpose of us figuring out our vision is that then we can attract to us what it is, who is going to support our vision, who is going to be enrolled in our vision. Who's going to want to step into the river with us?
The only way we get enrolled into other people's vision and then go is because we're not clear ourselves. And so the opportunity is for us to go, oh, okay. That's cool. That's really good information. That is the most amazing experience.
Thank you for that. Because now I have so much more clarity on what I want and what's important to me. Now I enroll people in my vision. When we know what we want, and again, I'm never going to say it's a static process. It's always ongoing. It's always shifting.
It's always evolving. And I believe wholeheartedly that is our journey of life is to continue to evolve.
Julia: [00:16:31] So helping someone move through the fear and the doubt of being who they are-- doesn't that seem contradictory? That the fear and the doubt to be who you are, or maybe is it believe who you are? Because I think sometimes, and I see this a lot in my work is I'll tell someone what I see in their blueprint and what their guides are telling me about them. And there'll be like, really? And I'm like, no, for real this is cool, isn't it? But they have a hard time believing it about themselves and taking action. Do you ever run into that?
Kirsten: [00:17:03] Yeah. Yeah there's a few things that you mentioned there that I wouldn't mind covering because for me, I actually believe that self-doubt and fear are really good signposts for us.
I know there's a lot of stuff out there that says you've got to get rid of it, it's not good for you. But I actually believe these are really important signposts. They're rich in information and for me, when the self-doubt shows its ugly head the most is when I want to transition into something bigger than what I'm in.
And of course this is when the fears and the self-doubt comes up. If you have seen Anchorman, and this has got nothing to do with it being a handsome man, of course, he's very handsome, but at the end he was going for his Trident and he could see the Trident down in the water.
And that was the moment that every single monster came out of the water and into the boat. And this for me was symbolic example of what happens. This is the demons that come out and start attacking you. And then you go down into the water and the light is still shining on your vision.
This is why vision is so important, because if you can still see it, you still know where you're going. But the monsters are going to keep chasing you. And this is why it's important to have the vision. It's important for it to be clear. And it's important to surround yourself with people who believe in you.
It's important to surround yourself in people who support you. Because otherwise those monsters come out and they suffocate the vision. And this is where the procrastination comes in, because there's a part of you that has been enrolled in the the story that those those sea monsters are real.
And they are, because look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I don't get self-doubt. It's my Achilles heel, like seriously, that self-doubt shows up more times than I care to admit. But now there's a different rhetoric that gets played out within me. It's okay, cool. This is where we're at.
We're doubting this. And what does that mean? This is showing up that I don't want to do this because it's scary. This is filling me with endless amounts of fear, because I do not know what is on the other side of this. People could hate me. People can judge me. I could be humiliated. I could be embarrassed.
All of those things could totally happen. But what I have experienced is that when I actually do go into that place, when I feel the fear and do it anyway, something happens that I never expected.
When we can fully show up for ourselves, we actually do show other people that it's safe to do that too.
Julia: [00:19:51] I completely agree. I was going to say this is maybe my own tangent, but the idea of feeling the fear and doing it anyways, there's also the saying of you just need three seconds of insane bravery.
Or something like that. I dealt with depression and anxiety for a really long time and even touching it was scary, right? Like it, it, for so long that it had become part of my identity, which was a lie, that's not part of everyone's identity. That's not part of who you are. But in order for me to get past it and to sit with it, because you have to be with it in order for it to pass through and to move on. It was so scary. But if I was like, literally like three seconds of insane bravery, I can make it through this and you're right. Incredible things happened, right? Like I was able to sit with myself and to heal, and to be with myself.
And again, I'm not saying I'm like a hundred percent in love with myself, but I am way better than I was all those years ago. And so yeah, my own little tangent there, but yeah, absolutely. And I think, I don't know if we've hit on lies yet, but when it comes to being yourself we do tell ourself a a lot of lies before we come to this decision to, I'm going to fully be myself, and I'm going to honor who that is.
Do you ever, help people move through what is the lie of what I think I want and what is the truth of what I actually do want?
Kirsten: [00:21:11] Yeah, I don't think I tackle that head on necessarily.
So the way I work is I fully believe in connecting people with themselves, their highest version of themselves. And then of course the source or the highest, I don't tell people what they believe in. What I connect to the source of everything. And I try to ensure that I am connecting people with their own, how they speak who is it that they connect with?
I believe it is about taking people to that place. I call it the plane of purity. This is where we are Source. We are everything. We are everything and nothing. And so from that place, there is a healing that can take place because suddenly when you come back and you're into this place of reality as we call it.
I feel that things naturally come up and so they show up and it shows up in ways of discomfort. Now, this, you want to know the reason why shit happens in our world, is because it is showing up the lie.
It is showing up the deceit. Is showing up these perspectives and the way that we look at the world and showing up that this is a way that we have looked at it because of our experiences, because of, people we've come into contact with. And this makes none of it wrong. This is the other thing is there's nothing wrong with anyone.
Everyone is perfect. And people need to hear that and understand it. You can do the worst thing, but if you want to embark on this journey into yourself, you also able to experience this kind of magic for yourself. Now your question about the lies. So the lies are a protection.
They're a protection. They're a clothing that keeps us from that place within. And I feel like it's a journey to be open to it, be open to uncovering it. Don't be afraid of it. Cause that's the other thing where we can get caught in being afraid of who we are. Like, what if it's really bad?
Like you, you were talking about depression and that you get to that state because you don't want to see something, you just you're so frightened. And so you close it off. I'm sure there was like a liberation and this freedom that you were like, wow, is this what life looks like?
Julia: [00:23:37] It's funny. Like I remember not being depressed, like it wasn't always like this. And it's funny. It was really more of a gradual thing where one day I was like, I'm not waking up anxious anymore. I don't have this like persistent knot in my stomach and I don't hate everything. And, and I was like what do you know? Like that just happened.
But I like how you just move people straight up to source and that's it's very much what I do too. But when you do it that way, when you come back down, so to say, is you recognize the lie
Because you've experienced the truth of who you are. And then, so when you're here again, you're like, oh yeah. That's why that doesn't feel good.
Kirsten: [00:24:15] And I just think that lies and deceit and all that kind of stuff is easier to handle when you are in an elevated space. But if you want to keep looking at the problem and keep delving into the problem, you're going to find more problems.
You're going to find more things to be critical about. You're going to find more things to be upset about, angry about all that kind of stuff. But if you can get a taste for that elevation, then you can handle the stuff that's not so pretty in a much more graceful way.
Julia: [00:24:44] That was one of the things, one of my crisis management techniques, as I call them, it's like breathing techniques or, maybe putting like a white bubble around yourself. Some people might do that. And I'm like, that's great crisis management stuff, not necessarily a long-term solution by any means, but it'll get ya over the hole.
And it's, you're absolutely right, because if you can get yourself into the state where you're like, okay, the sky's not falling on top of my head. I'm in a calmer state, let's look at my situation with fresh eyes, with clear eyes. When you can get to an elevated state, then you're able to really see, if not the truth, then at least the neutrality of the situation.
Kirsten: [00:25:25] Yeah, neutrality is such a good word. If humankind was to look at every single experience with neutrality-- like not good, not bad, everything is neutral-- we would be satisfied individuals. There would be no war. There would be no people at odds with each other.
So neutrality, it's a really understated kind of word, but when you can really feel what neutrality feels like, that's transformational that.
Julia: [00:25:55] Absolutely. Yeah. For me, so I'm speaking for me again, when I could get to that neutral state, I could be like I don't know if this is me, but I know I don't like it. So I may as well get rid of that. And it's, again, back to the little choices, right? It's every small little choice that you make adds up to you being well, I was accidentally making decisions about what I wanted and who I wanted to be this whole time.
Kirsten: [00:26:16] Yes. Yes. And we're all, we're all guilty of going unconscious, like you can be the most enlightened person, but if you're on earth right now, then there's chances that you're going unconscious and it's okay. It's about noticing. Yes. I just went unconscious. Okay. So right.
Let's just get conscious again, and yeah. Take the next best step.
Julia: [00:26:37] Yeah, I like that. So in terms of becoming the leader of your own life, on top of knowing who you are, is there anything else that you want people to be aware of? Or you help people become aware of in order to take those steps?
Kirsten: [00:26:52] Yeah. I think being the leader has quite an energy about it. Like people have an energy around the word leader and I've certainly worked with people before who have like, no, I don't want to work with you because you use the word leader and I'm not a leader. And I'm like actually, yes you are. All of us are leaders and mothers particularly will say, no, I'm not a leader.
Do you run your family? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you put a lot of passion into that, yeah. You are leading, so everyone is leading when we want something we are leading. And really people are always enrolling others in their vision all the time. Leadership is such a critical thing because when you can come to that place of leadership, when you can come to the place of owning who you are in the world, and you know what your intention is. Everyone has an intention to do good.
There are always exceptions to the rule, but I do believe that on a soul level, we do have that intention just shows up in different ways sometimes. Then, and this whole leadership aspect is that when you can recognize yourself as a leader, you can also recognize other people as leaders.
And so when you see other people as leaders in their own life then there isn't any competition. It's not like I'm the leader. You're the subservient one. It's no, we are all leaders. We're all journeying together. We all get to support each other. We all get to make sure that we're all winning.
I'm not winning if you're not winning. You're not winning if I'm not winning. We get to help each other. We get to support each other. We get to just bring each other up and make sure that everyone is getting the maximum number of points.
Julia: [00:28:37] I love that. That's really good. I think people miss that and they think that--
Kirsten: [00:28:42] I did too. I subconsciously had this competition kind of thing. If I'm winning somebody else's losing. If they're winning, I'm losing. But then there's this shift that happens and you're like, no, God, we can all win. We can all win. And that is a massive change. If we could just shift into wanting the best for everyone, because we want the best for ourselves. Or, just put yourself into the place of, this is what I'm about.
I want to see everyone go to heaven and go, yes, I nailed that life.
Just like that one. Yes.
Julia: [00:29:19] Yeah, you're exactly right. I love that take on it so much. It's sort of surprising to me that not everyone considers themselves to be a leader, at least in themselves. Who else is making choices for you really?
Kirsten: [00:29:30] But that's the thing, like that's where people are allowing other people to make decisions for them.
I spent a great deal of time doing that, letting other people make those decisions and being okay about it. Like I was totally okay. I'm the supportive accomodating, like easy-going kind of person. No, it doesn't bother me. But then the anger shows up and the frustration shows up and the bitterness shows up in the resentment shows up.
That is a sign that it's not okay.
Julia: [00:30:03] Maybe you are a leader. Maybe you've got something to say. Yeah.
Yeah.
Kirsten, this has been a lovely conversation. Thank you so much for it. Do you want to tell everyone how they can get in touch with you and work with you?
Kirsten: [00:30:14] Yeah, for sure. So I am pretty much on, the Instagram, Facebook, YouTube under Kirsten Barfoot and I've got my webpage as well.
Kirstenbarfoot.com. Reach out. I'm there.
Julia: [00:30:27] Thank you so much. I really appreciate this conversation. It's been a lot of fun.
Kirsten: [00:30:31] Thank you. Thank you so much for having me and I hope it's been useful for your audience.
Julia: [00:30:36] I'm sure it has. Thank you so much and we'll see you next time, everyone.